It's Cameron's birthday today. He's eight years old, so we took him to the most annoying kid appropriate place we could find within a 15 mile radius - Chuck E. Cheese.
Isn't this the place "Where a kid can be a kid"? Or is it WalMart ,"where a kid can be a kid", throwing a full blown tantrum for the newest, must-have 50,000 piece Lego set? I get them so confused.
Anyway, let's get back to the title. You're probably wondering, "Where is she going with this"? Let me explain...
There we were, at our booth, eating pizza and evenly dividing out Chuck E. Cheese coins between the kids, when my daughter Allison (age 16) gasps and says, "WOW".
Let me stop here for a moment. If you have a teenage daughter, let me first say, I am so sorry.
You know the "WOW" it's the new "OMG". If you didn't know that, you must keep up. It's the only way to keep using their slang so as to embarrass them completely. It works too. I used the term "My swagga" tonight at the basketball toss, and I thought for sure (hoped actually) both teenagers were going to disown me.
Sooo... anyway, I look up and what before my wondering eyes did appear? A 40-ish woman in a satin zebra print cocktail mini-dress, adorned with a hot pink satin sash, black hose (thankfully she had that much foresight) and black, platform stripper stilettos, with a cup of Chuck E. Cheese coins ready for the spending.
I slowly turned away, shocked, and suddenly feeling under dressed in my jeans, hoodie, and flip flops. I had no idea it was Stripper Night at Chuck E. Cheese! Honestly, I didn't know if I should shove some Chuck E. Cheese coins into my husband's hand and tell him, "Go ask for a lap dance honey, Hell you only live once!", or ask her if she has early onset dementia and thought she was at a Casino during a Little People convention.
Of course my 15 yr old son, Marshall, and my sweet little 8 yr old, Cameron are staring, mouths and eyes wiiide open. I told them both it was not polite to stare, and don't get excited - she's not part of the Birthday package.
Two things. First... WTF?? And second, WTF???
What in her mind said, "I'm going to Chuck E Cheese, so I better dress for the occasion. I KNOW - I'll wear my granddaughter's Homecoming dress and my daughter's "work" shoes!"
Call me old fashioned, but I was a little pissed off. There I was with my kids and husband, and here is this Cougar walking around on the prowl.
I think every woman in that joint held out their hands simultaneously to their husbands, asking for their testicles to hold safely in their purses until the evening play-time was over. Of course they complied. Wouldn't want to make a scene in front of the kiddies, would we now?
Then Allison says of all things, "Mom if you ever..." Of course I had to respond. This is my moment to teach my daughter the value of being a lady. "Really? If I ever what?? Dressed up like I was selling roses in a bar to beer-goggling men? PUUHHLEEAASEE... I totally wouldn't wear Zebra print. You know if you're going to dress like a Cougar, you shouldn't be dressed as the prey, honey."
