In today's media saturated World, we are under a constant assault of things I would file under 'Things I could have gone the rest of my life without knowing'.
Prime examples would be the definition of a dirty sanchez and the common practices of the FDA.
The FDA approves more effed up shit in our food than you or I will ever know. Did you know that canned mushrooms are approved by the FDA to contain a certain amount of maggots?
Of course, this knowledge comes as I am watching the news report while eating my mushroom omelet... I wanted to die. Talk about a bummer, because I REALLY was enjoying that omelet - even if the eggs will cause my arteries to wax over like a tube of chapstick and I am potentially ingesting dead baby fly larva.
How about ice cream? I LOVE ice cream. Little did I know, my vanilla ice cream has "chocolate" in it.
To enhance the 'flavoring', skatole - an ingredient found in mammal shit, that is produced in the digestive tract - is added in small amounts. Guess the jokes on us, huh, Ben an Jerry? If you don't mind, Ben and Jerry, I've taken the liberty to reinvent some of your most popular names.
Boston Cream Poop ....
Cinnamon Butthole.....
Imagine Whirled Poo....
Late Night Shit....
and my own personal favorite - an original of my own that Ben and Jerry may want to consider:
When Did I Eat Corn???....
So how bout them Beavers?? Did you know their anal glands have been used for more than a 100 years to enhance food flavor - typically Raspberry flavoring. Hmmm... neither did I...
Okay, first of all.... HOW THE FUCK DID SOMEONE COME UP WITH THIS IDEA? Did Ma and Pa run out of honey so they went around squeezing forest animals' assholes until they came up with one that was palatable to drizzle over their porridge? Did a lumberjack accidently fall face first into a beavers ass - with his mouth open?
How in the hell did they market that idea to Willy Wonka?? Can you imagine that board presentation? I wonder what visual props they used...
It's not enough we have to worry about red dyes that cause ADHD - ( I don't worry too much about that, after all, that's what Ritalin and Concerta are for) and some that are now known to be as bad as smoking ciggies... now we have to stomach the fact that we have been fed butt juice and fly larva for years!
That's all... nothing else to add... just a disturbing moment I needed to share. Now I'm off to the grocery store, were I will inevitably fail to read any of the labeled ingredients and forget everything I just heard.
Did someone say the Raspberry Pop Tarts are on sale????
By the way....I now have a new tattoo idea for my previous blog!!! "FDA APPROVED".
No comments:
Post a Comment